By Lily Willows
Several years ago, my mum bought me some sausage dog tights for Christmas. They were the perfect pair of autumnal tights. Chunky knit, endorsed with little dachshunds wearing pink jumpers. If I was to compare myself to an item of clothing, I’d be those tights. I couldn’t wait to wear them, until my fears of judgement from my peers took over my mind. It was only outside of college that I was able to wear them. I wish I could have been more self-assured, confident in dressing like myself. For the first year and a half of college, I had a couple of ‘safe’ outfits. They mostly consisted of black skirts and plain tops. Clothes I hoped would help me to blend into the student body, rather than stand out. So, the sausage dog tights resided in my sock drawer, seeing the light of day only when I was certain that I wouldn’t be spotted by anyone in my class.
As a teenager, I was incredibly introverted and self-conscious. I’d never look forward to my school’s non-uniform day, always feeling different in my vintage-style dresses, whilst most of my peers wore jeans and branded t-shirts. I was quiet, with a handful of friends. I would avoid putting my hand up in class, often avoiding my teacher’s gaze in an effort to prevent myself from being chosen to speak. As for any crushes, to this day, no one who I had romantic feelings for are aware of them. The fear of judgement and rejection by associating with ‘popular’ students, whether on a friendship or a romantic level, felt unattainable.
Fast-forward several years and I’m in my early twenties, grasping all opportunities that cross my path. Confessing feelings to people and embracing my true style. Adorning tattoos of cats and Care Bears up both forearms, wearing my sunflower print clothes, with emerald eyeliner and a glow of authenticity. The story of my sausage dog tights is representative of how you should never dress down, with the intention of pleasing other people. Friends and family members will love and cherish you, regardless of what you wear, be that patterned tights, funky rainbow knitwear or sequin Doc Martens. The way we each choose to dress is representative of our personalities, our likes and dislikes, our passions. Feeling negatively judged or oppressed by others for your style is never a valid reason for you to ‘tone your look down’. It is a mere indication of those people’s own insecurities. Embracing your true self is truly one of the bravest acts one can perform. Society tries to silence women enough, so don’t let anyone silence your style.
Of course, I remain introverted, but these past few years have shown me the power of being a quieter person. I’m a listener, an observer and empathetic. Personally, I feel emotions on an intense radius, something I have discovered isn’t an imperfection, but a strength. Never apologise for how deeply you feel or how much you love. You aren’t ’too much’. Being a person who feels more intensely is indicative of how much you care. Never apologise for how open your heart is.
Always an avid writer, I spotted the online advertisement to be a content writer for Karma! Magazine, which I applied to instantly. The possibility of potential failure left me feeling vulnerable, but by opening myself for potential success, I was rewarded with the opportunity to have my writing published and have now began my journalistic career. I applied for a Master’s degree in Journalism, which I felt doubtful of my abilities to be accepted onto, but I was rewarded with an offer. Doubting yourself to the extent of closing off opportunities prevents you from achieving your goals. I promise you that you are good enough and risk taking is worth it.
Even rejection can be a positive. For instance, imagine the possibility of being in love with someone for a year, but never expressing it. You’d be trapped within an infinite cycle of questioning how things could be different. The thought of what could have been would continuously reply in your mind. To be vulnerable, we must be brave and open ourselves to rejection. Picture telling that person you’re in love with, how you truly feel, and they don’t reciprocate the feelings. Though emotionally damaging, your vulnerability can then be rewarded with the ability to progress in your own life, moving forwards, towards healing. Openness correlates with vulnerability. Rejection correlates with healing, evolving into freedom.
The very act of writing this incredibly personable article is an act of vulnerability in itself. In all my openness, I hope I have provided someone with the courage to tell someone they love them, to apply for that course or job, to never doubt your abilities or talents. I truly believe in you. On a final note, I strongly encourage anyone to wear their sausage dog tights with pride, and if anyone stares, they’re probably going to be searching for a similar pair on Pinterest later.
Leave a Reply