By Anya Ordman
While I have been in a state of sonder many times in my life, it is only recently that I’ve been able to accompany that feeling with a word and definition that feels just right to me.
By definition, sonder is the realization that each random passerby is living a life as vivid and complex as your own.
I tend to connect with this feeling most deeply during long journeys on the MET, walking around town, or even sitting in the library. To me, sonder could even be broken down further and compared to the idea of comfort. I feel a huge wave of relief knowing that we are each the main character of our own independent lives. We all have that in common – despite who we are, what we are, or where we want to go – as individuals, we’re always going to be the character that shows up in every single episode of the show that is our life.
So while that might sound like a lonely concept, conversely, I think it’s actually a journey that, as a collective, we all individually take together.
I do understand, however, understand the irony in describing sonder as sobering. Being drunk, for many, is probably the one time when there’s absolutely no way to be in a state of sonder strong enough to sober yourself up. As much as I might want to have deep, random conversations with my friends while walking home from a party, after one too many vodka shots, I’m definitely not in the headspace to appreciate the quiet beauty of sonder.
That said, I still stand my ground that sonder is sobering, and I’ll absolutely tell you why.
Having such a realization creates a window for you to climb out of the constraints of your own mind and into the minds of others lives that, in some respects, hold absolutely no direct importance to your own. It reminds you that you’re okay. And even if you’re not, there are most likely thousands – hell, tens of thousands – of people who feel the same way, each with their own unique context.
As well as this, sonder helps me romanticize the world I live in. The thing is, it’s physically impossible to know everything about the strangers we pass by on the street and the circumstances they find themselves in. So we’re almost forced to make up our own versions of these people. This is one of my absolute favorite things to do while sitting through a journey, listening to music. Suddenly, the world is my oyster. I get to decide who these people are and what they’re all about – and the best part? There are absolutely no strings attached! Doing this doesn’t hurt anyone and still reinforces the beautiful realization that other people matter too.
Sonder also plays a role in the connections we make with people on a personal level – not just strangers on the street. It’s the realization that you and that girl you’re getting closer with have both been following the same underground band, or like the same obscure music, or have the exact same outlook on certain topics. It’s a constant reminder that we connect with people because our minds have, somehow, met – if only briefly – before continuing their separate journeys of reflection and self-discovery.
I feel lucky to be aware of such a state of mind. I enjoy that I can jump in or out of it depending on the semantics of my mood or the setting I’m in at that moment. I love that we are all human and do cute human things each and every day. And ultimately, I love life – and analyzing all the parts of it that are on offer to me.
Leave a Reply